Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Mortality: 2 Can Play At That Game (Llama)

Paca brings up living a fulfilling life, and states that he is not ready to die because there is still much he wishes to accomplish. He then attempts to refute the implication that if one has achieved all that one wishes to, then one would be ready to keel over - careen into the here-after, if you will - by making a rather cryptic statement:

"...there is a difference between missing something you love and feeling you have been robbed of something that is yours."

This confuses the llama. If one has not yet acheived it, how can it be yours?

Regardless, I too have contemplated death, and not just in the angst-ridden teenager sort of way. But contrary to Paca, I find that I least fear death when I feel I have little for which to live. That is, when I have achieved, when I am content, is when I most want to savor every breath. Peace of mind and contentment doesn't make the prospect of death more acceptable, it makes it less. Failure, rejection, and feelings of hopelessness makes me think ... "it'll be so much easier when I don't have to worry about all this." No, I'm not suicidal, just trying to be open.

Actually my most suicidal moments come when I'm someplace high - a bridge, skyscraper, etc. Many times I've looked down and just thought how easy it would be to fall over. I have no desire to, but the prospect of being so close to certain death is simultaneously repulsive and attractive. I always have to take a moment to collect my thoughts in such situations.

P.S.

No, I don't post as much as Paca... I still plan to post 2 to 3 times a week, the same as on my old blog. One must wait for inspiration, you know.

1 comment:

kristybox said...

The you must let us know what inspires you. Because my lust for blogs is insatiable.