Friday, August 25, 2006

What it is like having a three year old (paca)

Cast of characters:
Paca, the hapless father as seen in a million sitcoms.
N, the kind and perfect mother of whom no flaws can be discerned (if I said otherwise, she'd beat me to death).
B, a three year old boy, covered in dirt from the playgroud in school.

Scene 1.

The curtain rises to reveal B lying on his parents' bed watching TV wearing only a t-shirt. The audience can see dirt on his legs and a couple smudges on his face. A beautiful woman, N, sits at a computer desk playing Heroes of Might and Magic III. She looks tired after a 12 hour day at work. Enter paca about whom nothing need be said.

PACA: Hey, he-man, it's time for a bath.
B: No bath.
PACA: You are all covered in dirt.
B: Watching tiger.
Paca leaves the room and we hear water running. A couple minutes later he re-enters.
PACA: OK, bath time.
B: Bath, Yeah!!
B gets up off the bed and lifts his arms for help in getting his shirt off. Paca assists and the naked boy goes towards the bathroom.

Scene 2.
A bathroom where a shower with a 5" lip is filling with water.

PACA: Your bath is almost ready.
B: Go water in the potty.
PACA: Sounds great.
Paca lifts B onto the orange potty.
B: All done.
PACA: Yeah! OK, bath time.
B: No bath.
PACA: No bath?
B: No more bath.
PACA: But you just said 'bath, yeah!' and wanted to get your shirt off.
B: No bath any more. No baby gecko today! Battle cat take baby gecko outside.*
PACA: You are covered in dirt.
B: No bath today!
PACA: What if I go in too?
Paca removes his shoes and steps into the water in his jogging shorts and t-shirt. B follows Paca into the bath where they stand there.
PACA: Do you want to sit?
B: No sit.
PACA: We have to get the dirt off of you.
B: No sit water. Bath all done.
PACA: Well, let me wipe the dirt off with a rag. Here. Here's a rag for you and one for me.
Paca demonstrates wiping one's legs with a wet rag. B imitates.
PACA: I'll do your tummy and arms.
B: Arms all done.
PACA: OK, bath all done?
B: All done.
B gets out of the bath and Paca wraps him in a towel. B then climbs back on the potty. Paca takes the stopper out of the drain and the water starts disappearing. B climbs off the potty.
B: More bath.
PACA: What?
B: More bath. Play toys.
PACA: I just let the water out.
B: More bath!!
PACA: Sorry, little guy, you said 'bath all done."
B: Shower on.
PACA: Shower off.
B: Shower on.
PACA: Bath all done, water all gone.**
B: (almost crying and hit PACA on the leg) More bath!!
PACA: Don't hit. Water's all gone. Sorry.
B: More bath.

Scene 3. Back in the living room. N is on the computer. B and Paca enter.

N: The bath seemed quick.

* A week or so ago a bath ended quickly when a baby gecko appeared on the wall in the shower. B went jumping into N's arms and I, battle cat, took the baby gecko in a dust pan outside.
** Why doesn't paca just fill the shower again? To fill the bath empties the hot water tank, so there is no more hot water for a round 2.


Kat Campbell said...

What is not to love about the logic of a three year old! Paca needs a medal!

Anonymous said...

i concure!!!!


Anonymous said...

Ahh...A day in the life of a parent of a toddler. Isn't it great?!? I've just learned to wait a second and then ask my two year old again (as you did in the beginning when a no bath! turned into a 'yeah' with armd outstreched ready to take off the shirt. )

John said...

Welcome to my life! :-)