Sunday, December 31, 2006

Hard time in Cafe Roca (paca)

Well, I just made that title up. I think it's because N got some cashew roca candy from work for Christmas. Anyway, bunnygirl made the mistake of reading and commenting productively on my little James Brown writing bit below. Due to this deranged behavior, I am now going to type up another scene from my old play. At this point, I've converted to play format with names on the left and their dialogue. So we have Vanessa, Holly, and Jessie, who have gone out to a bar / club at Holly's instigation. Two guys approach - Caleb and John - to hit on them, and the women give them a pretty nasty time of it, hopefully in an amusing way. In real life, I have a habit of teasing, which I try to control. I think in this play, I just let it all hang out. Everyone is pretty merciless. In my head, I always have the pace something like a 30s Cary Grant comedy. Think My Girl Friday if you know it. To save space: Vanessa is V, Holly is H, Jessie is J, Caleb is C, and John is... John.

Two men approach - CALEB and JOHN. Both are in upper 20s, attractive, and know it. When Caleb isn't watching it, he can become arrogant in his own appeal. John is the simpler, nice guy who hangs with Caleb for adventure. Caleb might be the better of the two in the long run, but he has a way of making that hard to see.

C: You girls don't have any drinks yet. What can we get you?
V: Depends on whether you are going to stay or not while we drink them.
C: Why wouldn't we stay? This is the table with the prettiest girls in the room.
V: In that case, I'd like something very small. H kicks V under table
H: I'll have a margarita, frozen, or one of those berry ones - something like that.
V: Margarita here and don't get her like a double hurricane and pretend it's the smallest size they have.
John: And you?
J: Oh, don't worry about me. I'm gay. H kicks J this time Ow! Ok, fine, I'm not gay and very intrigued. Please sit down and hit on me.
H: It's just a drink, Jessie.
J: Well, then, water.
C: Anything more?
J: You can go crazy and get a lemon slice?
John: I'll be right back with drinks.
H: Thank you, John! It was John, right?
C: (to Jessie) Are you designated driver tonight?
V: No, she's designated prude.
J: At least I'm not designated skank.
H: No, that's me tonight. I am sooo putting out.
V: Holly!
J: You're not supposed to say that when the guy is right there.
H: It's OK; he doesn't think I'm serious.
V: You're not serious.
H: I could be.
C: I don't know if you are serious or not. Can we change the subject before I get blamed for it?
J: Oh, blame. See, he'd do you in a heartbeat, Holly.
H: Would you?
C: (whistles) No way I'm touching that one.
J: You wouldn't?
H: I knew he wouldn't.
C: Not answering, not answering.
H: Why won't you answer? John returns with drinks, handing them out
C: Because there's no good answer. I'm not that dumb. If I-
J: Thank you, John.
C: -if I say yes, then I'm a jerk who only wants one thing. If I go with no, I'm saying she's unattrative. Lose-lose for me.
V: Well, that was the point of the situation.
John: May I sit next to you? Jessie, right?
J: Sure, I'm easy.
John: I thought you were gay.
J: That too, and the combination doesn't really help you much, does it?
V: I'm her lover.
H: No, you're not.
V: You weren't supposed to find out.
C: I have lots of jokes here, but I have a feeling they won't help.
J: You two are doing amazingly well. We're giving you a hard time for no good reason. It's motly us being lazy and being willing to stereotype instead of think.
V: (raising hand) Willing to stereotype here!
H: I'm very willing, too. Not the stereotype part.
C: Damn, this is a hard table.
J: It wouldn't be a hard table if- Nevermind.
V: It wouldn't be a hard table if you weren't obvously trying to work it. And what's up with calling us girls over and over? That's what she was going to say.
J: Yes, it was, though not the girl part. But I decided we'd given them a hard enough time. If people jumped on me every time I screwed up....
John: I just want to get to know you, Jessie.
J: Thank you, John. What would you like to know?
C: Bring your survey?
John: Yes, it'll only take about an hour.
J: Is the first question, 'what are the names of the other beautiful women at this table'?
John: It certainly is now.
H: Gloria.
V: Wendy.
C: Wasn't one of you named Holly?
Silence
C: Caleb.
John: John.

And then it moves into a section I know is bad- or even worse, so I won't type it up.

Happy New Year!

1 comment:

pacatrue said...

Doh! I cut a few lines when typing this up, and one of them has John's name being used by Caleb before Holly does. At the moment, Holly amazingly knows John's name without it ever being said. Maybe he's wearing a nametag.